Andy Griffiths | BOOKS | Just Disgusting!

Just Disgusting!

Short story collection, 2002 (The Just! series)

Just Disgusting! is the fifth book in the Just! series, contains 9 stories on various disgusting topics.

Is this the right book for you?

Take the DISGUSTING TEST and find out.

Do you do any-or all-of the following: pick your nose, talk in burps or wee in swimming pools?
Do you ever wear the same undies two (or more) days in a row?
Do you wish you knew the most disgusting thing in the world?
Do you think brussel sprouts are a delicious mouth watering treat?
Do you like stories about dead flies, giant slugs and mysterious brown blobs?

SCORE: One point for each 'yes' answer.

3-5 You are completely and utterly disgusting. You will love this book.
1-2 You are fairly disgusting. You will love this book.
0 You are a disgusting liar. You will love this book.

CONTENTS
1. 101 really disgusting things
A list of disgusting things, such as brussel sprouts, maggots, shower plughole hair and your parents kissing.

2. Brussel sprouts
Andy REALLY HATES brussel sprouts so when his mother serves him five with his dinner he is understandably horrified. But he has to get rid of them if he wants dessert, and he REALLY WANTS dessert.

3. Go to bed!
Told in verse with at least one footnote per stanza, this story is about Andy's attempts to put off having to go to bed.

4. Cake of doom
A choose-your-own cake-baking adventure in which you, the reader, have to bake a cake for your mum for Mother's Day without dying in 23 cake-baking-related incidents.

5. Two brown blobs
A cartoon story featuring a very young Andy (4 1/2 years old) being terrified by two brown blobs in the bathtub.

6. Shut up!
Andy and family are experiencing a really bad holiday stuck in a caravan in bad weather. Andy and Jen's bickering gets so bad that poor old Dad ends up going outside to read his newspaper in the heavy rain rather than endure their company a moment longer.

7. Fun with Andy and Danny
Written in the style of an early reader, this story features Andy and Danny as very young boys creating mess as they have fun with Sooty (who is just a pup), some toilet paper, a bottle of milk and, eventually after Andy's parents come home, a vacuum cleaner.

8. Deadflyella
A playscript designed to be performed by dead flies, loosely based on Cinderella, but featuring a lot more deadfly puke than the original.

9. The story of the very stupid boy and the very big slug
A sci-fi mystery action thriller adventure romance novel in 36 chapters, this story features the hero (Andy) saving the world from the stupid actions of Danny (the very stupid boy) who—for a school science project—has created a giant slug. Lucky for the world that Andy has created—for the same science project—a working time machine.

Note: Retitled and republished in the UK in 2010 as Help! I'm Being Chased By A Giant Slug and 8 Other Just Disgusting Stories.

Extract

101 Really Disgusting Things

Brussel sprouts.
Maggots.
Brussel sprouts with maggots in them.
Picking your nose.
Picking your nose and eating it.
Picking somebody else's nose and eating it.
Scabs.
Scabs with maggots.
Maggots with scabs.
Shower-plughole hair.
The slimy stuff that comes out of the shower-plughole when you pull on the shower-plughole hair.
Animals that get squashed in the middle of the road and then get run over a whole lot of times until they're just disgusting red blobs.
Dog pooh.
Accidentally standing in dog pooh and getting it on the bottom of your shoe.
Getting dog pooh on your fingers when you're trying to get the dog pooh off the bottom of your shoe.
Eating a sausage roll and thinking that it tastes like dog pooh and then realising that it's probably because you forgot to wash your hands after trying to get the dog pooh off the bottom of your shoe.
Bad breath.
Cockroaches.
Headless cockroaches. (Disgusting true fact #1: Cockroaches can live for nine days without their heads.)
Headless cockroaches with maggots coming out of the holes where their heads used to be.
People who stay in the swimming pool all day long and don't get out, not even to go to the toilet.
The story about the woman who went to Africa and came back with a mysterious lump that kept moving all around her body and then one day the lump was gone but her eyes were really itchy and she looked in the mirror and there were all these tiny white baby spiders coming out of her eye.
Danny's handkerchief. It hasn't been washed for two and a half years. Makes a cracking sound when unfolded.
Dirty undies.
Your guts. (Disgusting true fact #2: If you took your guts out of our stomach and stretched them out you would have enough to circle a football oval three and a half times.)
When some stupid old song from the last century comes on the radio and your parents start dancing and kissing right in front of you.
Zombies.
Flesh-eating zombies.
Flesh-eating zombies with really bad breath because they forgot to clean their teeth after feasting.
Ear wax.
Dirty nappies.
Blood clots.
Collecting your blood clots in an old jam jar and using them to make red paint.
Eating a piece of toast and jam and thinking that it tastes a little bit like toast and blood clots and then realising that it's probably because you accidentally put the jam jar full of blood clots back into the food cupboard instead of your paint box.
*#@!@%$! (Disgusting true fact #3: '*#@!@%$!' is the most disgusting word in the English language. In fact, the word is so disgusting that anybody who hears it immediately throws up and their head explodes. If you really want to know what the word is, ask your teacher. If you throw up and your head explodes, you'll know they told you the truth.)